Category Archives: Laziest Man Alive

“Fat Albert” Haynesworth Actually Moved

Don't worry Albert, no one will see you here!

 

Washington Redskins DL Albert Haynesworth has been charged with simple assault for a road rage incident with another man on the Fairfax County Parkway in Reston, police say.

Haynesworth wasn’t arrested but is expected to turn himself into the police. Surprisingly the Redskins say they haven’t heard about the incident as they have been incoherent for the past 10 years.

The incident occurred Wednesday morning, police say it involved a 38-year old man driving a beautiful 1994 Honda Civic, and another man driving a pickup truck (Fat Albert.)

Word is the driver of the Civic  felt that a pickup truck following behind him was tailgating, so he flipped off  the pickup driver. That’s funny it was probably the fastest Albert has moved all year.

Reportedly Haynesworth and the driver rolled up to a red light, Big Al did the unthinkable and actually MOVED. He got out of his car and “snuffed” the other guy and left the scene. Yeah I know SHOCKER! … Albert Haynesworth on the move.

Simple assault in Virginia is a Class 1 misdemeanor, and could serve 12 months in a county jail and a $2,500 fine, though a maximum sentence is rarely imposed for altercations such as this unless the defendant has a lengthy prior record.

Unless you count stealing millions of dollars from a National Football League team, and being the biggest lard ass and laziest man alive a crime, I think his rap-sheet isn’t too bad.

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