Author Archives: Francesco Vittorini

About Francesco Vittorini

One of the creators along with Nick Spano of FloppingOut. I love flopping.

Kim’s ASS Saving the Day

With all the abysmal, floppy Super Bowl commercials, Kim’s ASS shot was one for the AGESS, giving all of us one for the Spank Bank. Thanks Kim you made my pre- bedtime ritual that much better :).

1 Comment

Filed under Damn Girl

Super Bowl Flops

In all everything about Superbowl XLV was a fail or flop, besides well the game itself.

1) National Anthem mishap and performance: Was it just me or did Christina Aguilera look out of it during her performance. She not only messed up the lyrics but her voice was just not there…FLOPPP

2)Joe Buck and Troy Aikman announcingFLOPPPP: I have no idea what the Fox execs saw in either of these two to hire them as “announcers” out of all things. They are flat out boring, and I honestly was falling in and out of sleep throughout the game (or that might be b/c I ate 40 wings, whatever). Joe and Troy should call up Barrett Robbins and all live together in Tijuana where they can all Scissor each other because we know Joe Buck is down.

3) Super Bowl CommercialsFLOPPP: Most of the commercials sucked. Ford what is NY about you, and Eminem I thought you don’t do commercials?

4) Halftime Show.….FLOPPPP, Kill yourselves.: Black Eyed Peas gave me a black eye just watching them. They all sucked, and they needed Slash to try to save them. Check out the article below about Fergie-Ferg (give it up like your addiction Ferg).

5) 400 Ticket Holders Not Seated. Yet another JERRY JONES FLOPPPPP: Imagine acquiring a ticket to the Super Bowl, planning your whole weekend around the game, taking a plane to Dallas, and THEN not being allowed to SEE IT. Well with Jerry Jones behind an operation, everything and anything is possible. Jerry decided to sell tickets to 1,250 seats that were not yet “ready” for the game. So 800 people were relocated, leaving 400 out of seating. WAY TO GO JERRY.

6) Celebrity Sightings…FLOPPPP well besides A Fraud: From John Madden texting, to George W. Bush still looking for Osama Bin Laden, these sightings sucked. If it wasn’t for A Rod being Fed, HILARIOUS, this would have been a major flop.

In all the Super Bowl was flat out FLOPPY. Thanks to Roger Goodell and Jerry Jones for putting together a true Spectacle.

1 Comment

Filed under Cmon Man, Idiots, NFL, Super Bowl, WHATT

Super Bowl Recap and will Favre make a Comeback?

CONGRATS to the all the Cheeseheads out there and of course the Green Bay Packers. Green Bay accomplished their goals in Dallas, winning their 4th Super Bowl and the Steelers are officially “Cheese Wiz” (Lil Wayne voice). More so, thumbs up to Mike McCarthy for preparing his team and calling a great game offensively.

The Green Bay Packers threw the ball 39 times vs 13 runs, and that is exactly how you beat the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers strength is their ability to tackle extremely well and stop the run. Yes their pass rush with Woodley and Harrison is tough to manage but if you can get rid of the pigskin fast, as Aaron Rodgers does, you can exploit areas of their secondary. Believe it or not, at times even Polamalu is suspect in coverage.

On the other side, the Steelers uncharacteristically ran the ball 19 times to 40 pass attempts. Now I understand that the Steelers were down 14-0 after the first quarter and 21-3 in the 2nd, so they were trying to score points fast, but I think against a team like Green Bay you need to run the ball regardless. Green Bay has a great secondary that makes plays and a pass rush that gets after it, and if you throw the ball 40 times you play right into their strength. And for the record that Tramon Williams is something. Everyone talks about Charles Woodson, who by the way will be a first ballet HOFer after getting his first ring, but when Woodson was hurt it was Tramon who stepped it up big time alongside Sam Shields and Nick Collins (pick 6). At the end of the day Green Bay just made more big plays than Pittsburgh.

Black and Yellow had 3 turnovers, one of which was a TD, to Green Bays’ 0. However, Pittsburgh did have more yards (387 to 338), first downs (19 to 14), time of possession (33:25 to 26:35) and even better efficiency rates on third down (53% to 46%) and in the redzone (66% to 50%), but Big Plays in Big Games wins you championships.

 

No Doubt Brett is Contemplating a 4th Comeback. He can't let his protegé tie him in Super Bowl wins, I mean he is the one and only BRETT FAVRE (John Madden Voice).

Aaron we are happy for you here at FloppingOut. How does it feel to bring Green Bay a Super Bowl in less time than it took “God on EarthBrett Favre. You even won a Super Bowl MVP (Brett never did that HAHA). Now all you have to do is send a chick a picture of your penis AND TESTICLES (Favre only did penis) and you will officially be a better man than Brett Favre.

Leave a comment

Filed under NFL, Super Bowl

A Rod being Fed by Cameron Diaz

A Rod you really are the man. We absolutely adore you here at FloppingOut. No Way are we cool or important enough to get fed by a woman, especially CAMERON DIAZ. A Rod if you are looking for personal assistants to clean your shoes while you walk, or even wipe your ass (you don’t need to be doing that you’re A ROD) Contact Us.

Leave a comment

Filed under A Rod (of course he gets his own category)

Arenas given Child Support and Custody Papers During Game

As Gilbert Arenas headed into the locker room during halftime of the Miami Heat game something very unexpected happened to the “Hibachi”. No an injury didn’t mysteriously appear on Arenas, rather Gilbert was handed both custody and child support papers. Gilbert’s ex-girlfriend Laura Mendoza Govan filed claims against Gilbert, claiming that he “financially cut off” his three kids. Gilbert now owes $1.3 million per year ($109,000 monthly) in child support payments. In the words of Nick Spano, Laura “you want another one?”

Gilbert responded, “Everything I say is reaction for something I did…She got served, so now she wants to say something on TV, that’s all it is. I don’t pay attention to it. My lawyer said I can take it because … it’s just reactions to reactions.” Whatever that means Hibach. Next time just threaten Laura with a gun, she may not pursue you as relentlessly.

Gilbert, may be time to get them guns back out. You better serve that bitch up.

Leave a comment

Filed under Idiots, Uncategorized

3 Fights in 4 Seconds a new NHL Record…LETS GET ITTT

Believe it or not on Thursday night a hockey game was played between the Boston Bruins (52-30) and Dallas Stars (52-30) at the TD Garden arena. However, if you were watching the game or  actually at the game you might be confused at the onset as to what sport was actually being played. It seemed like Vince McMahon may have been behind this game all along as within the first 4 seconds of regulation 3 fights occurred.

It started immediately after faceoff when Gregory Campbell of Boston threw down with Dallas’ Steve Ott. After a second faceoff, about a half second later Boston’s Shawn Thornton showed off his Ali muscles against Kyle Barch of Dallas.

Now at this point one would think a hockey game was to be played…BUT after all this is HOCKEY and fighting is actually part of the Hockey spectacle.

SOOO two seconds after yet another faceoff, a third fight ensued between Boston’s Adam McQuaid and Dallas’ Brian Sutherby, where Sutherby got JACKEDD UP.

Fight Summaries

  • Fight 1: Ott wins in a close one, Campbell never wanted in on this fight.
  • Fight 2: A true classic between Thornton and Bart. This duel is a rematch from November of 08 and was well worth the popcorn. Thornton wins in the end as “he catches him with the right over the top” (announcer voice).
  • Fight 3: Adam McQuaid wins in unanimous fashion.

Gary Bettman, NHL’s Commissioner definitely has the announcers take courses in how to call a boxing match. Listen and watch for yourself Floppers

1 Comment

Filed under Crazy shit, NHL, Uncategorized

Green Bay Packers Worrying about the Wrong Things and McCarthy Shrinkage.

One thing is for sure, the Green Bay Packers will not be feeling too hot after the Superbowl. According to Dallas Cowboy players, the Home Team locker room showers at Cowboys Stadium “hasn’t had much hot water for postgame showers.” Jason Witten told ESPN, “You get a little chilly when you get out of there.”

Green Bay is the home team and from recent comments is already affected by the news. ESPN’s Todd Archer reports that “Several Packers were taken aback by the news. Linebacker A.J. Hawk asked his former Ohio State teammate Bobby Carpenter about the stadium and the former Cowboy did not mention the lack of hot water.”

In addition, Green Bay’s right tackle Bryan Bulaga said, “Wow, that puts a damper on the day…Cold water? I’m just saying, how much did that stadium cost: $1.2 billion? Get a hot a water tank.”

WOW. I never thought I’d say this but inexperience seems to be hurting Green Bay during the two week layoff before the Superbowl. It began early last week when the entire organization made a huge deal about players on the IR not being included in the “Superbowl Team Photo“. It got to a point where Aaron Rodgers had to call Nick Barnett to explain the situation and provide Barnett with his backing. Rodgers told ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio that he and Barnett, “Ironed things out. I didn’t think there needed to be an apology on either side.”

Now players are worried about a cold postgame shower? Green Bay do yourselves a favor…WORRY about the game that is being played on Sunday because it is a pretty big one. Don’t worry about fat boy McCarthy having to move the team photo back a few days or Jerry Jones’ deficiencies in designing a new stadium (remember the megatron haha), get ready for the game because you can be damn sure Tomlin and Company are.

We all know who is going to have some major shrinkage when he gets back on the bus.

Leave a comment

Filed under Cmon Man, NFL, NFL Playoffs, Superbowl, Uncategorized

E Poll’s Top Ten Most Disliked (Assholes) in Sports

E Poll Market Research conducted a survey amongst 1,000 adult sports fans asking them to rank active players, coaches, owners or commentators on a dislike scale ranging from “Dislike Somewhat” to “Dislike” to “Dislike a Lot.” Each person that was surveyed needed to have at least a 10% minimum awareness score in order to be included, so Peter King for example would probably not have his score counted.

The Top Ten Most Disliked People in Sports….

  1. Al Davis (68% dislike)…No surprise here, the guy is a straight up jackass. “Creepy” was the most common word used to describe Al and I could not have described big Al better myself.
  2. Michael Vick (56% dislike)…His dislikedness dropped 13 points from last year but the PETA faithful  is still at no.2. I mean I guess I am a little surprised because I thought Vick helped turn his image around after this year….but when you treat dogs as if they should play Jesus in the Passion of The Christ I guess there ain’t much sympathy for you out there, and rightfully so.
  3. Jerry Jones (53% dislike)…Although I like that Jerry genuinely cares about his BOYS, he is just flat-out annoying. Jerry, hire some coach with discipline because unlike some teams in the NFL your team needs a coach that has discipline written all over him. Then you should go hang in your box seat with a martini, watch the game, maybe get a massage at halftime (with a happy ending of course :)), and watch your Cowboys blow it in the final 2 minutes of the game because it is inevitable, so at least enjoy it.
  4. Tiger Woods (52% dislike)…I actually like Tiger more now than I did before his whole “balls to the wall” campaign. But it is the opposite with America, especially since Tiger is playing as good as John Daly the past two years. Tiger I think you need to get back out on the market player, and get some women back in your life because “YOU ARE SINGLE AGAIN” (Austin Power’s voice). Tiger is clearly sexually frustrated and that is effecting his game on and off the “playing field.” Tiger call up Big Ben after the Superbowl, I am sure there are some college bars with pretty big bathroom areas that you two can have a “blast” in.
  5. Manny Ramirez (50% dislike)…Come On America. Manny is the Man. But apparently his lazy, I don’t give a shit attitude does not sit well with some Americans. The only thing that got me to dislike Manny was when he was taking fertility pills, I mean C’MON MANNN…but it was pretty sweet how he fell asleep in the Green Monster and wouldn’t run full speed to first while with Boston.
  6. Terrell Owens (47% dislike)…According to E Poll individuals either love or hate TO. Understandable. I just hope he doesn’t get another VH1 reality TV show because not only did the TO Show BLOW but TO has no game with the ladies. Nothing like the man himself FLAVORRRR FLAVVVVVV! TO you need to honestly GO from my life and probably most Americans.
  7. Albert Haynesworth (46% dislike)…No surprise here. When you are the Highest Paid Defensive Player in the league and refuse to participate in offseason drills, conditioning, and practice because you do not want to play noseguard in a 3-4; you truly are a jerkoff. Albert would have been higher on the list if (A) more people knew who Albert Haynesworth was and (B) if more Washington Redskins were included in the survey.
  8. Mark McGwire (43% dislike)…I plead the 5th.
  9. Bob Knight (43% dislike)…WHATTT? Bob Knight is not only my DUDE but he has also made the media side of college basketball that much more entertaining. I mean who else throws chairs on the court, curses off reporters and calls out and scares his own players.
  10. Randy Moss (41% dislike)…After being dropped from two organizations (Patriots and Vikings) where your play was superb it may indicate that you (Randy) may have lost it upstairs. America seems to agree.

Leave a comment

Filed under Al Davis Stories, MLB, NBA, NCAA, NFL, Polls, Uncategorized

Yes! She is back for Media Day but BEWARE Ines

Remember the reporter that New York Jets players “allegedly” harassed during summer sessions…..Well good news is she is BACK and damnn finnee!

On Tuesday, Ines Sainz reported to media day in Dallas for full coverage of Superbowl XLV. When asked about her return to reporting, Sainz said, “This is a day when we in the media can share a really good time with the players in a very relaxed environment.”

Ines I wouldn’t use the words “relaxed” and “good time” in the same sentence when you know who is still around. I mean I understand that Jet players were throwing footballs your way, but WITH the one and ONLY BIG BEN in the building you may get some other “BALLS” thrown your way. Green Bay should use this to their advantage by trying to lure Ines as close to Ben as possible.

Ines, my only advice is make sure you stay far from any public restroom areas and know at all times where Mr. R is. Nice Buns BTW.

Leave a comment

Filed under Damn Girl, NFL, NFL Playoffs, Superbowl

Steelers “Making it Rain” but where was Big Ben?

What is the best way to prepare for the one and the only SUPERBOWLLLL…….. WELL……………………….Hit up “Make it Rain Monday” at the Strip Club. Hell YEAAAAA.

The Dallas Morning News reports that hours after getting of the plane Hines Ward, Ike Taylor and numerous other members of the Pittsburgh Steelers went directly to Dallas Gentlemen’s Club. According to the Huffingtonpost, upon entering Ward and teammates were bombarded by strippers, receiving lap dances in the VIP and throughout the entire club. Apparently, Hines Ward was the man who “Made it Rain” all night, throwing dollar bills everywhere as if he was at SUES (for my Mount Vernon Homies).

We all know Fat Joe, Weezy, and Hines Ward know how to make it rain but where was Ben?

Where was Big Ben?

  • Well he was probably at home studying his playbook. No that doesn’t sound quite right.
  • He was at local bar relaxing on a few lagers. Maybe, but Ben is crazier than that.
  • He was in the area looking for a college bar to get his creep on. Very possible, but I mean it is Superbowl week and Ben will probably wait during the offseason to get his inner creep back on.
  • GOT IT….Ben got there early, reserved the bathroom area, and was Making It Rain all over the strippers standing on toilet seats. GET IT BIG…..BENN

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized